I’m going to share one of the most wondrous and amazing experiences I’ve ever had in my entire life, and was blessed and lucky enough to share with my Mom as I experienced this through October 9th & 10th in the days leading up to her passing. In my Heart and mind this was a gift from my Grandma (who passed away 9 months before My Mom – her daughter) to Me, My Mom, Brother, Sister, and family. This all greatly represents my Mom and her transition from the physical to her true source.
After an early doctor’s appointment on October 9th in the midst of a extremely rare windy and rainy day in San Diego (which I had hoped for just days before), I decided to make a quick stop at the store even though I really didn’t feel like going, but something urged me to go nonetheless! Another subtle reminder to always pay attention to the voice that speaks within heart even if it doesn’t quite make sense in the present moment.
I took a deep breath and entered the busy store where everyone was taking shelter from the rain. Normally I would always rush through this particular store but decided to wander around and take my time while paying attention to the strangest things. I sprayed funky perfumes, walked through random isles I had no reason to be in, and took my time covering every section of the store. Eventually I made my way to the front of the store toward the 20 check stands in search of one with less than 10 people in line. I decided to stand in one of the longest lines and felt very content there for whatever reason. Normally this would have completely overwhelmed me, but I just settled in with a wave of calmness knowing there wasn’t much I could do to rush anything or anyone.
Moments later I noticed a young lady in front of me balancing an arm full of groceries while waiting in a seemingly never ending line with me and about 10-15 other people, but what caught my attention was a Monarch Butterfly on the tip of her finger. I stood there in awe and curiosity just watching her and trying to figure out how this could be possible, if it was real, or if there was such thing as a pet Butterfly. I snapped out of my trance when the Butterfly leaped off her finger and attempted to fly only to land on the ground next to her right shoe. She juggled the items in her arms and gently scooped up the frazzled Butterfly flapping its wings in a vigorous attempt to fly. It took a brave leap out of her hands again, but to no avail slowly floated to the floor like a leaf. She made several attempts at picking the Butterfly up but was unable to safely or gently rescue the fragile creature this time.
As I watched the Butterfly’s attempts at flying, I couldn’t help but to finally speak up. I said… “Excuse me, but is this YOUR Butterfly?” She smiled, said “No”, & then began explaining her journey with this incredible Butterfly.
On her way to catch the bus while making her way to the store, a Butterfly was blown right smack into her. She said she just couldn’t believe it, realized the butterfly could not fly, and then decided to take it with her because there’s no way she could just leave it hurt or stranded. She made it through the bus ride, through her entire shopping trip with the Butterfly, and finally in front of me in the same line. At this point the Butterfly was making numerous attempts at flying (naturally). She then said “It doesn’t seem to want to stay with me.” I responded with.. “Do you mind if I pick it up and release it or set it on flowers outside? No Butterfly should ever be stuck inside or pass away in a store.” She lit up and said “Yea, of course!”
I picked up a produce bag, unfolded it, and carefully set the butterfly in my basket. I was simply in disbelief. As we finally introduced ourselves, one of the employees suddenly walked up next to us to clean a tiny spot on the ground and oddly enough possibly kill a little bug making an attempt at escaping this maze of a store. While rescuing a butterfly I could not watch her kill this other bug so I blurted out “Well, there’s a butterfly in my cart!” The woman stopped in astonishment and said “You know… Butterflies are Angels.” It was a beautiful and surprising response and moment shared between the employee, myself, and Carisa – (the one who brought the Butterfly to me). All we could say was “Wow..!” and stare at this majestic and fragile creature bringing us all together. Silently and secretly I hoped the Butterfly was a message from my Grandma, or even her, but I did not share this with the employee or Carisa.
As the line moved forward Carisa and I discussed the woman’s comment and the symbolism of Butterflies until it was her turn to check out. Carisa and I exchanged information so I could update her on the butterfly later that day, ended our amazing meeting, and then we said Goodbye. All of this took place within a matter of minutes. Then it was my turn to check out. Immediately the checker noticed the Butterfly in my basket and then looked at me and said “You know… the Butterfly is probably a family member.” I stood there speechless. I gathered my thoughts and said “I was hoping it was my Grandma, and one of your employees just said “Butterflies are Angels!” I felt like I could faint or float in this moment. We wrapped up our lovely and brief conversation and I continued on my mission to safely free the Butterfly.
On my way out, the door greeter said “Oh wow! Is that a Butterfly!?
I said “Yes! And I was told they are Angels.”
He replied “Well, they most definitely are!”
We smiled at each other and said goodbye.
While exiting the store I realized how windy it still was and it was also beginning to rain again. There was no way I could leave an exhausted Butterfly in a parking lot in this kind of weather. I decided that my only option was to take it with me and then head to Balboa Park that evening. As soon as I got into my Jeep I made a safe space for the Butterfly, set it down, and then immediately sent my Mom a text explaining this Butterfly experience and everything that was said. She replied almost instantly with so much excitement! Then I started my jeep and as soon as the radio came on the first words in a song that was playing said “Butterflies… why don’t I listen to the Angels when they sing?” I swear at this precise moment everything felt surreal and comforting at the same time. This was more than synchronicity.
By the time I got home it was still windy and rainy so I decided it was best to take the Butterfly to Balboa Park the next day once the weather calmed down. Later that the evening still in sheer awe, I gently set the butterfly on a Rose I had picked a few days before so it could rest comfortably. I made it some homemade nectar with honey & water (which it seemed to love ), and hoped it would make a full recovery after drying its wings off and getting some rest. My Mom and I continued to text throughout the night about the Butterfly & life in general.. a conversation I will always remember. I sent my Mom pictures of the Butterfly and one of my Mom’s replies was:
“My God, your Butterfly is awesome – you were meant to be. You fed it too? How sweet, this butterfly and you are so significant to me. Nature… that’s making my Heart pound”
Being a night owl I watched the Butterfly next to me on the Rose until I finally fell asleep, still in awe of course.
The next day I noticed the Butterfly trying to fly frantically, and the more it tried the more it hurt and damaged its wings by doing what seemed to be exactly the very thing it was meant to do. This Butterfly was beginning to struggle and became completely exhausted again.. even more so this time. I knew right then it was time to take it to Balboa Park & let it rest and be free exactly where it longed to be – in nature… healing and soothing to its soul.
We immediately jumped in the jeep with the Butterfly and made our way to Balboa Park. I watched this Butterfly with its resilient nature and spirit continuing to flap its wings and attempting flight even though its wings were tearing with every move. I felt, sensed, and witnessed the true strength of such a delicate creature with the Spirit of Lion.. a warrior.
I continued updating my Mom throughout the journey.
I made it to Balboa Park and hurried to the Butterfly garden in order to find a safe nook for it to heal and rest. It was still trying to fly the entire time and continuing to struggle… then seconds later I found a perfect hidden spot and set it down as gently as possible. Instantly a calmness came over the Butterfly and it stopped flapping its wings. It seemed to be refreshed and comforted by its resting place in nature.
This moment was breathtaking and so symbolic… which I would soon come to realize even more so in the coming week.
The Butterfly (which Carisa & I lovingly named Dizzie), passed away on 10-11-13.
My Mother passed away on 10-19-13
I was truly blessed to have experienced such magic and to have been given the opportunity to share such beauty with my Mother.. a truly amazing gift. I am so grateful I will always hold the true message of this experience and journey so close to my Heart.
No matter where life takes us we are always reminded of what is right and just.
This inner knowing & feeling reminds us to appreciate, honor, and listen to the voice within our Hearts which guides us if we listen closely. It may not always be easy to hear this voice amongst the others, and though it may not be the loudest, it will always be the strongest.
And though the Butterfly was not able to fly it still did what it was born to do: It reminded the ones who need be reminded the most of what true strength and resilience really is… even in the face of what seemed to be defeat. Therefore, it was just as graceful as any Butterfly able to soar above and with us. It let go of what it could not change while still honoring its spirit. It was just as beautiful, if not more, and found inner strength through turbulence. Every Being and creature on this planet we share goes through hardships…
Just like a bird that cannot fly but still sings its heart out.
We must make the best of what we have with a grateful heart & strive for more in other ways..
Create and follow our dreams while continuing to BE heart centered.
And just like My Mom, Be more like the Butterfly ((♥))
The week before my Mom’s passing we were discussing her favorite movie… The Wizard Of Oz.
She asked me if no matter what age we can find truth within. My response to her was:
“Time is an illusion, there is no time limit. Time only exists to have a perception of healing & growth. Our destination is the journey itself, and Love is what is real”
The Love I shared with my Mom is boundless & infinite. I could not find words that exist in this language to define our relationship, friendship, or bond. The way she knew to call me when I was upset or in need of her… even if I was 4,000 miles away. I will miss her in this physical world every day, with every breath, and every beat of my heart.
…And Love is what is Real
In Honor of Mom